The John Steel Singers The Beagle and the Dove by: Dan Osmolowski Fri:20-Jun-08 Label: Steel Year: 2008 WB rating 30 out of 100

Music is art, right? So what makes an artist? What makes an interesting artist? Is it only someone who can paint a picture or play a song with technical proficiency? If an actor replicates another actor’s style with frightening ‘mimickery’ does that make them artistic? I saw a documentary once about a man with autism who could replicate on the piano, note-perfect, any composition after only hearing it once. It was crazy, sure, but I don’t think of that guy as an artist. I wouldn’t buy his recordings because he is not doing anything new; he’s not bringing his own personality to the music. I guess that’s why I am not a huge classical music buff. If I have ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ played by the Upper Hut Philharmonic and someone tells me it’s honest to Wagner’s intentions, I don’t need the same piece played by another orchestra. Sure, they’re all talented folk but for me it’s like doing a shot-for-shot remake of Hitchcock’s Psycho.

While The Beagle and the Dove is only a mini-album from an emerging band that are yet to sign a recording deal (distribution only at this stage), they have generated plenty of buzz in their hometown of Brisbane and with Australian youth radio station Triple J. In their favour is the fact that The John Steel Singers are a fairly energetic, visually interesting live band that clearly enjoy what they are doing and understand the need to connect with an audience. Where it all comes unstuck though, is with the music itself. After less than one listen to the album, that annoying game that goes something like, “oh, that sounds like…” must have played out in my head at least half a dozen times. I have no doubt that this is a band of talented musicians but, to be honest, their music is bloody infuriating. Clearly enamoured with The Beatles, Ray Davies, and 70s southern-fried rock, TJSS mine the very worst that each of these inspirations had to offer.

It is a struggle to listen through opener ‘The Staged Intervention Of Poor Rich By His Righteous Peers’ without feeling immense discomfort. The title and lyrics are pure Kinks and the chorus defiles the undeserving Split Enz rather embarrassingly. Around the 3.15-minute mark the song descends into what must be the most boring and ridiculously bloated section of music recorded in some time. It doesn’t get any better as the song segues into the unnecessary and messy jam, ‘Richard’; a bizarre, Bon Jovi sounding snare drum introduces some George Harrison guitar moves and it all breaks down in an amateurish heap – like a high school band who have just discovered Cream.

Why base a song around a near facsimile of the Velvet Underground’s ‘I’m Waiting For The Man’? ‘Strawberry Wine’ does just that. ‘Evolution’s glam-lite tribute to Marc Bolan just makes you want to reach for your vinyl copy of Electric Warrior. ‘Smashing The Speed of Sound’ sounds like Spoon’s ‘Jonathon Fisk’ with a spluttering chorus and without the fervour. The rest of the album sounds like a parody of the worst community musical theatre production one could imagine. ‘Rhapsody in Red’ is the final nail in the coffin and probably the album’s most confounding moment; the album’s finale, it is an uncomfortable melange of ‘oompah’ piano accordion and farcical bar room piano playing, then an odd sunshine-pop bridge, followed by a slow breakdown into psychedelic rock (underpinned by the same ridiculous piano and a menagerie of demented animal noises) before petering out, ala ‘A Day In The Life’. If it sounds terrible, that’s because it is.

The band have thrown everything and the kitchen sink into this album and it doesn’t work. It’s great that the guys (all six of them – cooks and broth anyone?) are having a go but The John Steel Singers need to find a style of their own, drop a few members and get back to basics. Dandy English, idiosyncratic, pastoral pop is fine if you are living in England.