It was with some measure of anticipation that I popped RJD2’s The Third Hand into the deck, as I felt reasonably confident that in opting to review this album, I had essentially agreed to listen to something that was not complete balls. I had long heard about RJD2’s reputation as a critically acclaimed hip-hop producer, whose seminal album Deadringer is still considered compulsory listening for fans of the genre. And although I’ve admittedly never been much of a hip-hop fan, I was nevertheless curious about the latest release from such a highly respected artist.

With all this in mind, I was simply not prepared for how absolutely underwhelming The Third Hand really is. In fact, I was considerably disappointed when I quickly realised this album was a veritable treasure trove of mediocrity, and I knew that after a very long and painful week of repeated listening, I would be reporting in no uncertain terms, that the latest album from RJD2 is poor. Very poor. 

And so it has come to pass.

I’m no detective, but I guess alarm bells should have started ringing as I skimmed over the press release. It didn’t register at the time, but in retrospect, I can only speculate that it was patched together by a poor work experience kid who was not only mentally challenged, but high on crack at the time. That’s the only way I can explain how RJD2’s management could possibly sleep at night after promoting The Third Hand as musical genius akin to that of Brian Wilson and Stevie Wonder.

Of course, it’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to indulge in some Pet Sounds or For Once In My Life. But even so, I seem to recall that the musical standards were quite high, and that neither of these albums were bland, unimaginative, boring or irritating. The comparisons with The Third Hand thus end here.

Lousy singing is perhaps the most surprising sticking point on The Third Hand. After all, if a hip-hop producer is going to give up his sampling in favour of his own voice, he must surely be confident that his vocals would at least be a passable substitute. But I’m here to tell you that although his singing initially manages to convey some sense of funk-ridden aloofness, it too soon takes on an inescapable monotony, quickly beginning to irritate and at times sounding plain amateurish. Take ‘Beyond and Beyond’ for example. It literally sounds like something I might have recorded in my lounge room after a few too many icy cold ones down at the local. And just like the theme song from a straight-to-video Jackie Collins melodrama, ‘Sweet Piece’ is so cheesy it would be laughable, were it not so downright painful.

Admittedly, the groove propelling predominantly instrumental tracks like ‘Get It’ and ‘Rules for Normal Living’ are quite effective, and these do make for some interesting listening. But such tracks do little more than reaffirm the monumental mistake RJD2 has made in attempting this foray into pop music. Saturated in bland pleasantries to the point that it fails to stimulate the listener on just about any level, The Third Hand deserves little more by way of review.

RJD2, my man, you need to take affirmative action on two fronts. Firstly, stop making pop music right now! But perhaps more importantly, after you’ve done this, seek out a management team with fully functioning ears; a team who are going to be honest with you about the direction of your career.