We’re off to a bad start here. The Ponys, and their spelling-mistake name, have delivered an album that starts off with a misfire. The first track ‘Double Vision’ sounds extremely similar to King Missile’s ‘Detachable Penis’ (I bet you never thought you’d read about them on Wireless Bollinger); it’s the same guitar effect, and it is moving around similar notes. Maybe King Missile and their spoken word, comical rock weren’t that big in The Ponys’ hometown of Chicago, but that still doesn’t help ‘Double Vision’, which sounds like a tired rehash of what wasn’t a terribly good formula to begin with. The Ponys don’t stand out from the crowd; their songs are average (at best), lead singer Jered Gummere’s voice has limited range, and the overall result is about as interesting as the unimaginative irony of their name.

None of the songs on this album are that bad; they’re just not really anything at all. In fact, The Ponys sound like that band that supported your friends’ band at their last gig. You’re just about to make a comment about them when one of the band members arrives nearby, asking someone their opinion. They say things like “you guys rock”, “that’s a really cool sound”, or “wow, you are gonna go places”. These are all lies; the sort of lies you tell people when you don’t care; platitudes of indifference.  Unsurprisingly these bands never get anywhere and you are left to shrug your shoulders and say “bummer dude”.  It’s amazing that The Ponys have reached the heights that they have, considering their lack of ingenuity and innovation.  The titles of some of the album’s tracks give some insight into this deficiency: ‘Small Talk’, ‘Shine’, ‘Kingdom of Hearts’, ‘Maybe I’ll Try’. They’ve really tapped into some new and fresh ideas there.

The title track is probably the highlight of this album, it being the most original sounding composition, it is still underwhelming. Sometimes I get albums that just make me angry for being terrible, but Turn the Lights Out evokes nothing; no emotion whatsoever. It’s difficult to say anything positive about it, but it’s equally difficult to say anything negative (well… not that difficult; I managed to find one or two things). It is utterly forgettable music and has made little to no impact on my life. The only interesting characteristic I can draw is from the cover art, which is impressive, if derivative. The press release should read “The Ponys: everything other bands have done, but poorly conceived and executed”.
 
Singer Gummere’s voice is missing everything but the eight notes that he uses, which he applies in a low vocal style (but not low enough for it to be a positive characteristic). The same can be said for the breathiness of his voice and the power of his scream; it’s as if he is constantly holding back. There are even points on the album where Gummere’s voice fails to stay in tune (and I’m not talking about his screams or low notes but notes that he has shown on other songs to be capably in his register). and when he is in tune, as on ‘1209 Seminary’, Gummere sings every word on one easily pitched note (it’s possibly the 4th note of the 8 that he works with). It’s this limited range that is so distressing; Gummere is the front man of what is technically a rock band and he sounds bored. If this is what he was going for then congratulations!

This is the first album for The Ponys with their current line up. Originally the band had a keyboard player/guitarist in Ian Adams. Adams left the band before this album (possibly wisely) and was replaced by Brian Case on guitar. It seems that they may have rushed into a third album with a line-up that was only beginning to gel together and songs that were underdone. As a result, the majority of the album is your run-of-the-mill rock shtick and it gets old really quickly. If you don’t heed the warning of this review and still plan to buy a The Ponys album, then at least make sure to purchase one of their previous works (Celebration Castle or Laced With Romance). I’m of the opinion that for a band this mediocre to reach the point of releasing a third album Ian Adams must have been playing some sort of fancy magic keyboard; sadly, for The Ponys, he seems to have taken it with him when he left.

Aside from the problems with material, there are also blindingly obvious production issues. Turn the Lights Out is a guitar strong rock album but the production leaves all but the lead guitar and vocals in the background. The rhythm section is the pulse of a rock band, and while Elias’ bass lines aren’t particularly impressive bass lines, it is important to hear this part of the band’s sound. As a result, it is like listening to an effected guitar and lacklustre vocal over the top of mud. It isn’t even that interesting psychedelic mud that bubbles like in films set in the jungle (ie. Predator or Rambo First Blood: Part Two); it’s just plain old, boring sandpit mud.

Many of these problems can be forgivable on a band’s first release. It’s just that Turn the Lights Out is The Ponys’ third full-length album and they sound like some local band for whom three line-up changes and two gigs followed by a break-up will count as a career. I was going to make a witty comment about keeping the lights turned off, but this album has left me feeling lethargic and somewhat queasy.