Adult. Why Bother? by: Daniel Grimsey Mon:18-Jun-07 Label: Thrill Jockey Year: 2007 WB rating 23 out of 100

Ever wondered what an Aphex Twin remix of Evanescence would sound like? Me neither, but Adult. have made the decision that this hypothesis is worthy enough to be the central basis of their sound. This makes their music even more annoying than the weird grammatical choice of their name Adult. with its full stop at the end, meaning that in order to be grammatically correct I can only mention the band name at the end of a sentence. Otherwise I get a capital letter where I don’t want one and a word document that is predominantly green.

But such anarchism is part of the whole philosophy of Adult. There is a reoccurring theme throughout Why Bother? concerning peer pressure and going along with trends, ‘Herd Me’s lyricism a strong example: “blind blind blind/just leading the blind/gonna get in line/for recruiting time,” which, although being a nice rhyme, could very well be an anthem for the angst-ridden and those in serious need of therapy. Actually scratch the part about being an anthem, because to be an anthem you’ve got to have at least some sort of melody, so that seems unlikely.

Of all the irritating songs on this album, and there are many, if forced to choose the most head-scratching/infuriating track it would be the aptly named ‘Inclined To Vomit’. With lyrics like “utterly useless/really revolting … full of ugliness/so repulsive” you’d think they were writing their own review.

Despite all of Nicola Kuperjus’ current anti-everything 30-something rebellion, you get the impression she was very well brought up. In amongst all the shrieking, and although describing how she’d like to burn some suit’s eye out with a red hot poker, the lyric sheet reads almost like dialogue from a Jane Austen novel. In ‘You Don’t Worry Enough’ the chorus flourishes: “I’m just suggesting/something undesirable is likely to happen.” But the pretty packaging can’t hide the fact that the songs just don’t stand up.

And how do we describe this music? Adult. have taken the White Stripes-esque minimalist approach to industrial-techno-metal-whatever, with drum machines and retarded keyboard riffs specially designed to give you that uncomfortable, tensed up twitching feeling at the top of your back. The kind of sounds that raise hairs on the nape of you neck, that grate like nails down a chalkboard and crying babies on hot trams. And as Nicola drives all her points home, in a voice filled to the brim with Johnny Rotten mannerisms – clearly the godfather of anti-everything sermons – so do the beats drill into your brain, all high hats and snares.

This formula, is only wavered from slightly on a couple of songs, such as ‘Plagued By Fear’ where instead Adult. lift the guitar riff from The Cure’s ‘A Forest’ and mash it up with some sound effects from an ‘80’s computer game. Lyrically there isn’t even this much variation: “they’re putting their heads in mirror-lined boxes”.

For their big finale, Adult. Have decided to go somewhere totally unexpected. To make up for the disconcerting noises of the last half an hour, noises that have made the neighbours angry, friends confused and dogs in other suburbs howl, giving the listeners a musical sedative to calm themselves down and chill out; a five minute soundscape of quasi-whale sounds. Incomprehensively, or even more likely incompetently, iTunes and Gracenotes have decided to class this album as Easy Listening, such a decision must have been spawned from this track and even then it is misguided and funny in the same way a black comedy is.

Since Adult. have lifted something straight from The Cure, I’d like to finish off this review by borrowing some words used to describe the efforts of Smith and Co. from Tania Lacy’s review of ‘Lullaby’ in Smash Hits magazine of 1989 and apply it to Why Bother?: “It's like those records you listen to and you think, "Yuk... I think I'll melt this and make it into a cup!"